Timed handwritten harbour description (attempt logged separately: 16/40, AO5 9 / AO6 7, Level 2 on both). She fixed the comma splice in her story passage when told where it was, built a plan (four things, sea salt named from 'smell of the sea'), typed the paragraph rule back, wrote about 75 words in 30 minutes, counted six events in her own piece (right), then rewrote one event as a still sentence on the first try and spelled 'reflection' after a mnemonic. Planned last line and sea salt did not reach the piece; no five-minute reread was run. Session 121's splice fix and closing lines are done; the show-not-tell and speech-layout fixes are not. Ran after a block swap; her replies to the first steps took over an hour.
Open: spell featureless (feature + less), no notes. Then in her story passage rewrite 'says with enthusiasm' to show it through a sound or action, one sentence, her words only. Then one still paragraph (nothing changes, her own event count at 0) on her harbour, each planned thing getting one still sentence first. Next timed description: last line typed before the timer and on the plan; named check is the full stop after the very last word.
Not run: rewrite 'says with enthusiasm' as shown not told; new line for each speaker in her story passage; 'featureless' retest; harbour piece never got its planned last line or a five-minute reread.
| Topic | Name | Change | Evidence recorded |
|---|---|---|---|
| W1.5 | Gap → Gap | 20 Oct timed handwritten harbour piece: one place held from line one, but six events by her own count (lit up, boats released, head to sea, waves fierce, storm seen, wind hit). Second drift in two timed pieces; held only on 6 Oct. Unaided. | |
| W3.1 | Secure → Secure | 20 Oct plan on page: mood, structure ('a harbour', a place for the fifth time), four things, sense, last line label with nothing readable. Last line typed in chat at 14:24 but not used. Adjudicate as a further wobble; not a status change here. | |
| W3.2 | Developing → Developing | 20 Oct: task focus addressed - harbour and early morning clear, winter only as 'cold'. On-task piece, fifth of six timed pieces on focus (13 Oct was the miss). | |
| W1.2 | Developing → Developing | 20 Oct timed: two non-sight senses each with a named source - sound (call of seagulls) and touch (cold blast of wind like a punch). Planned sea salt and splash not used. Another instance for the adjudication already proposed. | |
| W4.3 | Secure → Secure | 20 Oct: last line given in chat (clouds on the horizon) was not the piece's ending; piece ends on the wind and storm, no returning image. Fourth timed piece without a delivered cyclical ending since it was named. | |
| T1.1 | Secure → Secure | 20 Oct timed: 0 comma splices in 6 sentences. Also, in her story passage at 13:00 she turned the black-suit comma into a full stop and capital after the tutor said a comma sat where a full stop belonged: supported fix, not unaided. | |
| T1.2 | Developing → Developing | 20 Oct timed handwritten, 6 sentences: 6 of 6 start with a capital and end with a full stop, including the very last word ('punch.'). Photo sideways; named check not run by her. One sentence has no verb ('a storm in the distance'). | |
| T5.1 | Secure → Secure | 20 Oct: paragraph rule typed back word for word at 14:21, then applied as a break after every sentence (6 one-sentence paragraphs) rather than at shifts; the piece had no real shift. Over-literal, not a miss. | |
| T5.2 | Gap → Gap | 20 Oct timed: 'can be heard'/'start' present against past tense elsewhere, 'relieved' for released, spellings provisional from a sideways photo; typed 'horision' in chat; 'reflection' typed right once after the mnemonic reflect + ion. |