Shape C — first timed handwritten Q5 on the record. 2026-format descriptive task (deserted beach, wrecked boat, image as inspiration only), 5 plan / 25 write / 5 check, pencil on paper, photographed. Produced "The Wreck", ~170 words, second-person present tense, through to a finished ending with no blanks. Marked 21/40 (AO5 13/24 L3 lower, AO6 8/16 L2 upper) and logged as attempt 5. AO6 focus of the session was the comma splice, taught and fixed in her own writing that day: she rewrote "You suddenly feel extremely tired, you collapse into the pile" as two sentences with a full stop, choosing that over a semicolon she does not yet own. Her closing lines: read/wrote a story called The Wreck; next is a longer story.
Teach T5.1 paragraphing at shifts — she already writes the shifts (beach into jungle, entering the temple) but does not break the page at them; this is the cheapest AO5 lift available. Then a second splice pass on her own text. She has asked for a longer piece next, so pair it with narrative opening work (W2) and lengthen the timed write to 30 min at the next fortnightly outing.
| Topic | Name | Change | Evidence recorded |
|---|---|---|---|
| W3.1 | Developing → Developing | Five-line plan built independently under timing on 8 Sep, no prompts: mood, structure, four things, senses down inside 5 min; last line left blank at the bell and arrived unprompted during the writing. | |
| T1.2 | Not started → Developing | Timed handwritten piece 8 Sep: capitals at sentence openings present throughout and terminal full stops in place, unaided — clears the 7 Sep loose end. AO6 placed L2 upper only because splices remain. | |
| T1.1 | Not started → Developing | 3-4 comma splices in the timed piece 8 Sep ('You suddenly feel extremely tired, you collapse into the pile'; 'You look at the snake, it looks at you'). Rule named once; she then identified the join and fixed it to two sentences with a full stop, unprompted as to method. | |
| W4.2 | Not started → Developing | Unaided in the timed piece 8 Sep: the sandy beach 'slowly changes' into jungle, with the soundscape changing to match — a deliberate shift of scene rather than a jump cut. | |
| W4.3 | Not started → Developing | Unaided in the timed piece 8 Sep: opens 'As you step back into consciousness' and closes 'As sleep comes to claim you, a shadow falls over you' — a cyclical return she found while writing after leaving the plan line blank. | |
| T5.1 | Not started → Gap | Timed piece 8 Sep written as one unbroken block of ~170 words with no paragraph breaks, despite containing three clear shifts of place. This is the single feature holding AO5 at the bottom of Level 3. | |
| W1.2 | Developing → Developing | Non-sight senses used in the timed piece 8 Sep (waves running over the body, birdsong, jungle noise) but still as categories: 'the sounds of birds', 'the sounds of the jungle'. Same loose end as 7 Sep, so no movement. | |
| W1.5 | Not started → Not started | Descriptive task answered as a journey with events (bird leads her off the beach, snake, temple, collapse) rather than one setting held still. Not penalised by AQA, but the drift into plot is why the description is thin on crafted detail. | |
| T5.2 | Not started → Not started | Tense slips into the past inside a sustained present-tense piece 8 Sep: 'It had parts missing', 'It hissed at you'. Second person and present tense otherwise held for ~170 words. |